My sweet girl,
You are almost 4 ... not 14, I need to remind myself of that. Often.
You are curious, intelligent, creative, trying to connect the dots ... not trying to be difficult. In fact I love that you are all these things, I just find it hard sometimes.
You have ideas, thoughts, visions and you want to make them all happen right now! Not tomorrow, not when I have more time and energy but now. It is hard to wait and I hate that I have to make you wait sometimes. It is a skill that you do need to learn ... and I will help you. And I promise you that I will help you and encourage you to reach all those dreams ... except eating ice-cream all day, every day, I am afraid that will have to wait till you are a grown up.
You want to be a pirate fire-fighter for pirates! Go you! I am going to high 5 you and say, yes you can do that! I am not going to tell you that I am desperately hoping you will never become a pirate because ... well, that would involve a whole host of unethical practices! Instead, I will keep on telling you that you can be anything that you wish to be.
You want to skip pre-school and spend the day at the playground with me and get ice-cream. You know what, that sounds really fun and I wish I could do that for you, but truth be told I need that day to myself. I need that break because it helps me to be a better mum, it gives me a little bit of freedom so that when I am with you I can wholeheartedly be with you.
You want to hit me because you are mad. I know you don't mean to and that you can't quite understand your actions, but it hurts me. My emotional skin doesn't feel strong enough to withstand the why's of your actions. It isn't you, it is me. After trying every gentle parenting technique I can think of, the only way I can deal is to walk away for a moment ... even though this hurts you. I am sorry. I will try harder to be there for you when you are hurting.
You fight me and challenge me and make me feel like I suck at this motherhood jam, but then you love me fiercely just as I love you.
You look into my eyes so intensely and so lovingly that I can't stop the tears from flowing. You delight me and bring me so much joy that I am grateful every day for having your sweet nature and beautiful soul in my life. Thank you.