I don’t want help, even though I need help.
I don’t want to seem like I ain’t got my shit together, even though sometimes I don’t.
I don’t want to appear depressed, even though sometimes I feel that way.
Mainly, I don’t want anyone to think I suck at life some days. That I barely hold it together. Everything hanging by a thread that won’t stop unravelling till I ring my husband and cry to him that I just can’t do it anymore.
Hear me. It is hard being too proud to ask for help or to accept help.
Becoming so obsessed with living the perfect life, being the perfect mother, being the perfect partner…
Is this you? I hear you.
And to be frank, it is pretty damn difficult to change this mentality.
So let’s go about it another way. Change someone else’s instead, and it will come back to you.
Tell every mother you know that they are the best mother. Tell them they are doing a rad job. Tell them that their kid would NOT be the super cool kid that they are without them.
Because it is the OUTSIDE influences that are causing our generation to feel like crap mothers. We don’t tell people enough how amazing they are. We don’t look them in the eye and say “you rock sista, make sure you believe it”.
Attention mothers of mothers, grandmothers, mother in laws, aunties, Godmothers. Tell those raising the little people in your life that they are wonderful. That their mothering is a real gift to these children. Don’t put them down. A mother can not easily parent in a caring and loving way if she doesn’t feel cared for and loved herself.
How does this work?
As we boost a mother's self-esteem, offers of help take on a different kind of meaning. No longer do we feel like the mother who sucks and can’t pick herself off the floor. Now we feel like the mother who knows their stuff and is happy to accept offers because they feel like an act of kindness instead of patronising. And by no means are they ACTUALLY patronising or lacking in kindness. It is just that when a mother feels shitty, she feels like her shittiness is being tut-tutted and needs fixing. It is totally the old “it’s not you, it is me” line. We don’t need fixing, we need boosting. We are trying so damn hard to raise strong, independent and healthy children. Help us achieve this by loving us, with unconditional love. We KNOW when we screw it up, we don’t need it pointed out to us with roaring lights and sirens. Please, just love us. Remind us that all mothers are special, we need to hear this every once in a while.